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Go no further! This chocolate chip cookie recipe will ruin your life.
Consider yourself warned.
I can only assume that something must have gone horribly wrong to bring you here today.
Amidst a cherry-picked Pinterest Sea of “perfect chocolate chip cookies”, a Google Forest of the “best chocolate chip cookie recipe”, and dog-eared cookbooks of “award winning” and family favorite chocolate chip cookie recipes, you have somehow found yourself here, face-to-cookie with the actual worst chocolate chip cookie.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking: It’s just a cookie, right?
I mean, sure, they look innocent enough. Golden with melty chocolate chips, crinkled edges and melt-in-your-mouth interiors… but one bite and you’re positively ruined for life.
These cookies will consume your life, shrink your jeans, and steal your boyfriend (I wouldn’t put it past them, anyway).
They even contain a secret ingredient.
A Secret Ingredient You’ll Wish You Never Discovered
How obnoxiously cliche, and, even more obnoxiously, intriguing.
I won’t drag it out. The secret ingredient is maple syrup. And sure, pure maple syrup (priced per ounce nearly the same as gold) would work just wonderfully here. But, if you have a sticky bottle of Aunt Jemima in your cabinet (as I happened to when I set out on the unholy quest for a secret ingredient for the best-turned-worst chocolate chip cookie recipe), that will work just fine, too.
What kind of self-respecting cookie doesn’t demand purity and quality?
Only the worst kind.
I credit (or, rather, blame) this “secret ingredient” for being the greatest offender in this positively worst chocolate chip cookie recipe. It gives the cookies a subtle, caramelized flavor as well as long-lasting chewiness and softness (these cookies stay soft for days, and the cornstarch helps with that as well), and the flavor is to die for.
And, while anyone who takes a bite will be able to detect the extra richness of flavor, not a single taste-tester was able to identify exactly what the secret ingredient was. Just that they were enjoying “really, really good cookies”.
OK, so what’s so bad about really good chocolate chip cookies?
How about the fact that they will consume you as you consume them? I’m not kidding about them wrecking your relationships.
Mom’s favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe? Ditch it. You will snub your nose at every “favorite” cookie (chocolate chip or not) of the past and struggle to hold back scornful laughs at anyone who comments on any other “delicious” cookie. Nobody likes a cookie snob, and yet here you are.
Here comes that girl again, the one who’s too good for Chips Ahoy.
A Cookie Recipe for Ruining Your Life
Be prepared for weight gain. It creeps up slowly, the cookies gently embracing you at first, then clinging to your thighs, your stomach, tighter and tighter until yoga pants are your only way out of the house. If you’re worried about your significant other noticing, don’t bother. They don’t notice anything anymore, only whether or not there are more chocolate chip cookies readily available for consumption.
Perhaps worst of all is that this chocolate chip cookie recipe can be made so easily. There’s no stand mixer or even an electric hand-held one required. They can be stirred by hand, dirtying only two bowls.
They do need to chill for 30 minutes, which would only serve as a deterrent if 25 of those minutes weren’t spent sneaking copious chunks of cookie dough from the refrigerator.
If you’ve made it this far, I fear it may already be too late for you.
It’s too late for me, sadly, and I’ve made these cookies nearly a dozen times in the past two weeks. I’m swapping gym time for cookie time to keep my refrigerator well-stocked with dough, and the photo shoot for this post took three times as long as it should have because I kept eating the subjects.
If you can, stick to the “best ever” cookies. Stick to Grandma’s chocolate chip cookie recipe and the old family favorites. Those cookies are safe, your friends, made to be consumed by you.
These cookies will consume you, instead.
Good luck out there. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why did my cookies spread too much?
Did you run into cookies that spread all over the baking sheet in the oven? Here are your most likely culprits:
The butter was too hot when you added your sugar, causing the sugar to melt and creating a greasy cookie dough that never stood a chance.
You didn’t add enough flour. If the flour was under-measured, your cookies could spread when baking.
Your baking powder/baking soda was bad. These need to be stored properly and often will expire after 6 months, if yours is old, that could be the problem.
The dough didn’t chill long enough. If your dough is still very sticky after 30 minutes, let it chill longer.
You put your cookie dough on a hot cookie sheet. It actually starts to melt before it can even begin baking.
Why didn’t my chocolate chip cookies spread in the oven?
It could be that your flour was over-measured. Never scoop your flour directly into your measuring cup, it packs the flour into the cup and you end up with way more than the recipe actually calls for. Instead, use a scale (this is the scale that I use) or use a spoon to pour the flour into your measuring cup and then level off the top with a straightedge (like the back of a knife).
Can I substitute something else for the maple syrup?
Honey or light or dark corn syrup would work instead of the syrup, just note that the flavor will be slightly different.
Let’s bake together!I’ll be walking you through all the steps in my written recipe andvideobelow! If you try this recipe, be sure to tag me onInstagram, and you can also find me onYouTubeandFacebook
The WORST Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe
My apologies, it seems you've somehow stumbled upon the absolute worst chocolate chip cookie recipe. Turn back now or you'll end up like all the commenters on this post.
4.89 from 2331 votes
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Prep Time: 15 minutes minutes
Cook Time: 13 minutes minutes
Chilling Time: 30 minutes minutes
Total Time: 58 minutes minutes
Servings: 32 large cookies
Calories: 223kcal
Author: Sam Merritt
Ingredients
- 1 cup (226 g) unsalted butter melted and then cooled until no longer warm to the touch (see note)
- 1 ½ cups (300 g) light brown sugar firmly packed
- ½ cup (100 g) granulated sugar
- 2 large eggs room temperature preferred
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- ¼ cup (60 ml) maple syrup²
- 3 ¼ cups (415 g) all purpose flour
- 2 teaspoons cornstarch
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 2 cups (340 g) chocolate chips I used half regular semisweet chips and half mini semisweet chips
Recommended Equipment
1 ½ Tablespoon cookie scoop
Instructions
In a large bowl, stir together melted butter and sugars.
1 cup (226 g) unsalted butter, 1 ½ cups (300 g) light brown sugar, ½ cup (100 g) granulated sugar
Add eggs, one at a time, stirring until combined.
2 large eggs
Stir in vanilla extract and maple syrup.
1 teaspoon vanilla extract, ¼ cup (60 ml) maple syrup²
In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
3 ¼ cups (415 g) all purpose flour, 2 teaspoons cornstarch, 1 teaspoon baking powder, 1 teaspoon baking soda, 1 teaspoon salt
Gradually add flour mixture to wet ingredients, stirring until completely combined.
Stir in chocolate chips.
2 cups (340 g) chocolate chips
Cover bowl with clear wrap and allow to chill for at least 30 minutes (chilling!? I told you, this recipe is the worst.)
While the dough is chilling, preheat oven to 350F (175C) and prepare cookie sheets by lining with parchment paper (if you don’t have parchment paper, you can bake directly on an ungreased cookie sheet).
Scoop about 2 Tablespoons of cookie dough and roll into balls, making them slightly taller than they are wide. Place them at least 2 inches apart on prepared cookie sheet.
Bake about 13 minutes (cookies will appear to be a bit underdone, but edges should be just beginning to turn golden brown).
Allow cookies to cool completely on cookie sheet.
If desired, gently press a few chocolate chips on top of the warm cookies.
Keep unbaked cookie dough in fridge while waiting to put the next batch in the oven, and do not place cookie dough on a hot cookie sheet.
Notes
¹Butter
You do not want your butter to be too hot or it may melt the sugar and you’ll have a very runny dough. Best practice would be to cut the butter into about Tablespoon-sized pieces, microwave in 10-second increments (stirring after each) until it is just completely melted, and then allow it to sit for 5 minutes. If your butter is too hot it could make your cookie dough or resulting cookies greasy.
²Maple Syrup
I don’t recommend leaving out the maple syrup, it is critical to the flavor and is what makes these truly the “worst” chocolate chip cookies. In a pinch, honey or even corn syrup or golden syrup will work as a substitute to give you the same texture, but the flavor will not be the same. Pure maple syrup and imitation “pancake syrup” both work just fine here, the former lends itself to slightly flatter cookies and the latter to slightly thicker ones.
Storing
Store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to a week. Cookie dough may be chilled, scooped, individually wrapped in plastic wrap and then frozen in an airtight container for up to 6 months.
Gluten Free
A number of readers have commented that this recipe works well when substituting the flour 1:1 with Cup4Cup Gluten Free Flour, but I have not tested this myself.
Nutrition
Serving: 1cookie | Calories: 223kcal | Carbohydrates: 33g | Protein: 2g | Fat: 10g | Saturated Fat: 6g | Monounsaturated Fat: 1g | Cholesterol: 27mg | Sodium: 119mg | Potassium: 12mg | Fiber: 1g | Sugar: 21g | Vitamin A: 500IU | Calcium: 10mg | Iron: 1.3mg
Nutritional information is based on third-party calculations and should be considered an estimate only. Actual nutritional content will vary based upon brands used, measuring methods, cooking method, portion sizes, and more.
Tried this recipe? Show me on Instagram!Mention @SugarSpun_Sam or tag #sugarspunrun!
Related Cookie Recipes That are Also Pretty Terrible But Not As Bad:
- The BEST Peanut Butter Cookie Recipe (Seriously!)
- Oatmeal Cookies
- Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars
- Easy Sugar Cookie Recipe (With Icing!)
I originally published the worst chocolate chip cookie recipe on 3/21/16. I have since updated it to include new photos and a video, but the recipe has remained unchanged.
